I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
