member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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