so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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