I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
