I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
