Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to make out with him forever
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize