whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
