I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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