He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
