And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
