I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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