Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
