I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
