A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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