after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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