Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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