Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
