i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This house was built for laser tag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
