And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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