he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize