if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
