Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
