ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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