WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
