Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
