she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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