I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
