Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
