hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
time to smoke my breakfast
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
