I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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