well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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