you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
