dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
