Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
