Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
