I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
