so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
