Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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