if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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