yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You made out with two different species that night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
