i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
