he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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