I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
