im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
