why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
