i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
