I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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