why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
