actually, I'm a sock model
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
