To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
