I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
