We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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