"it" just moved
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
