the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
