look no pants
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
did i walk over a car last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
