what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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