If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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