I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
