Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
