id be glad to
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
