I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
