Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
