please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I AM VODKA MAN
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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