Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
