He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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