i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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