So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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