Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it glows. i had to have it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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