i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
