You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
