Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
