marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
