I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
