Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
