In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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