i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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