I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
