And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
