Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize