Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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