There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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