Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
